Sometimes it can be tough to spend the time and energy to nurture yourself. It may be something simple like a 30-minute walk. By yourself, or perhaps just with the dog. A cup of coffee with an old friend you have not seen in some time. A teeny little one-shot pick-me-up.
It may be something a bit more complicated to organize, like day care for your youngest, so that you can really work on the home business that’s supposed to be building his college fund. Like taking the 30 minutes after work to really prepare one of these “simple” 30 minute meals. Every day. And having healthy food in the refrigerator to do it with.
Even more complicated, it might be making the standard of your marital relationship a priority before things begin to go south. So when the inevitable occurs and something goes wrong in your world, you are ready to take care of it as a team rather than as a solo player. If we were to remind you that your future health and well-being rely on it, these words may fall on deaf ears.
Because that’s not your present crisis. Your present crisis is only getting through the day. There’s a perspective, however, that may appeal to you. If you adopt this view, you will see that caring for yourself is not just about you. It’s the best gift you could ever give to people who appear to you and follow your example. Your children, for example.
You’re the model. I once worked with a guy who had had a catastrophic accident, which also attracted his preexisting marital issues to a head. His thinking processes were not up to par, and his wife was not coping well. By his report, she’d become physically abusive. He said he would not leave her, yet the situation did not improve. The man found himself stuck an unresolvable conflict between his marital vows and his own instinct for self-preservation.
Co się dzieje?
One day, I asked my client what he would advise his daughter to perform if she’d find herself in a situation like he had been in that day. Would he expect her to “tough it out” with a physically abusive partner? He didn’t wait. “Of course not!” he said. In a sense, it is actually failing to take needed care for yourself that is the more selfish choice. A girl I knew some years ago had this insight about her mother.
You understand what was ironic about that circumstance? My client was in precisely the same position. Still in her 30’s, she was quite obese. The excess strain on her joints complicated an already serious back problem to the point where her capacity to exercise was restricted. When we spoke about her failed efforts to lighten up, she responded,”I simply don’t understand why I do it.
I believe I will eat sensibly, but mealtime comes and I eat the wrong things — and a lot of them.” She was doing precisely the same thing as her mom. No surprise , is it? She’d modeled her mother’s customs her whole life. Despite the fact that her mind knew better, my customer was becoming her mother. If for no other reason than the version you provide for those around you, have the guts to choose the care you need on your own. If you are breaking an existing routine, that procedure will be a lot easier with the aid of a lifestyle coach, counselor, or a highly motivated buddy.